Blackmail and Deadlines Write Me a Story
by hibiyuru
Summary: So this is the story of how kakashi blackmail's every1 into writing a (dirty) story-some pairings... If ya need proof that this story is worth readin..read the lovly reveiws and then R
1. Embarrassment and Blackmail

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Hey guys this is my first fanfiction so please read and review- also this story is set when the genins are like 17 so they my be a little different ok? Also they are not genins any more.

NO1 LIKES FLAMERS!

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Write Me a Story:

Chapter 1: Embarrassment and Blackmail. Here is the Deal!

"OK guys" yelled the grey haired ninja. "I have a special mission for you guys today…I think you're going to love it"

Seeing the glint in his sensei's eyes made Naruto retreat backwards, usually he was pretty slow but today he caught on quickly.

"Just get on with it...what kind of mission is it?" asked a bored Sasuke.

"Well since were all so eager... you see 'Icha Icha Paradise' just hasn't been doing it for me recently...since Jiraya's material has been a little off lately since he has been married to old lady Tsunade." said Kakashi

"What the hell has that got to do with us?" Sakura piped up.

"That's a good question and im glad you asked because you guys are going to write me a story..." after receiving death glares from his students Kakashi has found an excuse. "Well you see I am merely making you do this as a test of maturity...To see how much you've all grown since I've last seen you."

Silence. They look at him as if he had spouted horns. Sasuke was the first to snap back to reality, which made Kakashi flinch. "Yes well anyway if that's all for today then I will be off." The situation was ridiculous so as far as Sasuke was concerned he was going home.

"If you want a dirty book why not just write one you're self?" reasoned Sakura.

"Where's the fun in that?

"So you want to basically have a laugh at out expense then?"

"Ok...you guys are annoying so here's how it is. If you don't listen to me then I will tell everyone you're secrets."

"You got nothing on us!" said Naruto. Kakashi ignored his comment and carried on.

"I will tell everyone about Sasuke's Paddington bear PJ's and I will tell everyone about the shrine in you're room of the 'Cheeky Girls'...I haven't got any thing to blackmail you with yet but I will"

"Well in that case I'm not writing then!" She said

"Well you wouldn't want me to embarrass you're dear Sasuke-kun now would you?"

"Personally I don't care because I don't like him any more and correction he WAS my dear Sasuke- kun but not any more"

"Ok then so I guess it's just Sasuke and Naruto for now...Ok dismissed"

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Ok so that's all from me...its a tad crap but watever.ps sprry i made the boys look stupid

Chapter two will be up soon but i think its better than this1


	2. Day 1 Thinking and Pairings

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

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Write Me a Story:

Chapter Two: Thinking and Parings.

Sakura was smug walking away from team seven's training area. She chuckled quietly to her self as she wondered how the boys would go about thier 'mission'.

She heard vaugly in the distance the sound of two boys grouning as she heard Kakashi saying that there were to be six chapters due in six weeks time giving them a week per chapter.

Sasuke and Naruto were left alown, Kakashi had said something about catching a movie with the sensei Kurenai, Gai, Anko and Asuma. It was a beautiful day and the last thing Sasuke wanted to do was stay at home writing a perverted novel. He wanted to spend a lazy day in the sun or maybe train, but then again he didnt want people to find out about him wearing Paddington PJ's at the age of seventeen.

As Naruto walked down the cheerfull sunlit street all he wanted to do was eat some ramen.His attention was caught but Hinata who was scuttling out of a book store carring 'Icha Icha Padise' in her hands. She was tomato red, but then again she always was when she was around him. 'Its always the quiet ones' he thought to himself. "Hello Hinata-chan" he said as he eyed the book. this only made her go even more impossibly red in the face. " Um...why do you have ero-senin's book?"

"Kurenai-sensei had given us a "mission" we have to write a story for Kakashi who is blackmailing her and now she's blackmailing us...aparently all the teams have to write a story even Neji-niisan" Naruto laughed at this as he tried to imagin Neji writing a perverted story then it hit him.

"Hinata-chan why don't we help each other write a story?" He asked because she must be at least a little cleaver since she had the idea of actually reading a perverted book.

"Sure why not" she grinned. She would be spending more time with her crush so she was more than happy

-

Lee was having a fit. "How can our butifull respectable sensei lower himself down to Kakashi-sensei's level...Has he no pride left?...Tenten, Neji arnt you listning to me!"

"Actually no. I switched off long ago but were r gonna have to do this to avoid public embarasment!" reaplied a fuming Tenten, she was fuming because Lee had been ranting on and on for hours.

"So how are we gonna write this" asked Neji

"Donno you wanna work together" asked Tenten flippantly

"Ok whatever anything to avoid public embarassment"

"WTF...so ure actually going to write this story.?" Lee spat out. "I am a respectable shiobi of the leaf village and i will not write such perverted nonsence" Lee continued his speech...but no one was paying attention.

Tenten interupted him- "Well Lee I guess if you do not co-opperate everyone will have to find out about the passionate kiss you shared with the eighty-five year old librarian...I wonder what was her name again?"

"Actually...She was SIXTY AND IT WAS HER DYING WISH."

"Oo'er well i see she still lived to tell the tale to Gai-sensei." She said as Lee stomped off.

-

Kiba, Shino and Choji were sitting indian style on the ground at Choji's house they were eating and discussing what they were going to write in their story. Unlike some they were looking forward to writing away. Well Kiba and Choji were, they were quite the perverts now. Shino however was just conversing with his bugs.

Suddenly Lee stumbled into Choji's house you see they became good friends after Choji discoverd Lee's mum was a fine chef. "Hey Lee you wanna join us were are discussing what to write for out story." Lee gave a defeated sign and slumped on to the ground. "I will take that as a yes"

-

Shikamaru and Ino were still gobed smacked as to what their sensei had asked them to do. "Did we hear right" Shikamaru was doin a good impresion of a fish his mouth opening and closing. They had been sitting in the same position for hours and Choji was long gone.

" Hey you wanna meet up tomrow and help each other out with this?" Ino asked Shikamaru out of the blue.

"Sure...but this is troublesome" he just had to say it she thought.

* * *

yippee im done n that took so long!

RR PLZZZZZZZZ NO FLAMERSSSSS

im crazy (thanks 4 reading!)


	3. Saku and Sas down 2 work:Jiraya whipped

Disclaimer: I do not own naruto

Now before I kick off this chapter I would like to thank every1 for reviewing...im glad I got so many positive remarks since it is my very first fan fiction!

So thank you:

The Sunshine girls (you were my first reviews)

Angstluver (thanks I will :))

Lee-SanOnee-San (ps guys if ure reading check out her poem)

Esther (thanks 4 both reviews...yes ive been caught I stole the idea of him kissing the old lady I couldn't resist it just seemed like the kind of thing he would do!)

Han (I reckon they might end up writing together but kakashi-san wont be too happy bout this since he's expecting a lot of stories to compensate for the ones that Jiraya hasn't written.

Bevy-chan (don't worry Sakura is gonna be back...)

I guess I'll start now...

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Write Me a Story 

Chapter Three: (Tuesday and Wednesday) Sasuke and Sakura get down to work.

After battling with his heart and mind, Sasuke decided to have Monday off. He had a normal day training and wotnot, but he felt a pang of guilt, he should have spent the day gathering information and brain storming but he was too stubborn to do so. Many times he had thought of a way to get out of his mess but he could find away. He did not actually mind if people found out about his PJ's... it would at least keep the fan girls away but what if Itachi found out he wouldn't be able to live with it.

The piercing sound of his alarm filled the large empty room, he staggered out of bed and did his usual morning rituals which consisted of him showering and brushing his teeth. When it came to changing his clothes he stared and stared at himself...Damn Kakashi. The Paddington pyjamas were given as a gift and he had never cared for buying pyjamas. After changing he decided to got out and see what everyone else was up to. They were all writing in pairs while he was alone.

The thought occurred to him that he could ask Sakura for help, but he dismissed the idea since she wasn't assigned to do anything. So he sat alone on a bench while the thought nagged his mind. 'Maybe if I try and ask her she might say yes?'

After a while he found his feet leading him towards the front door the Haruno Sakura residence. He waited and knocked, and then he thought he would go away and forget about it but the door swung open.

Too late.

"er...er Hi...Bye"

"Dude you ok? you don't look so good...wanna come in?"

"Ok"

After he stepped into the small house he managed to compose himself again, clam, cold, collected Uchiha.

"Drink?"

"Water please" He was thinking of how he was going to ask her for help but words failed him. After a while she came back and banged two glasses on the table

"I had a feeling you would come you know...You need my help don't you?" Seeing the note pad in his had, she snatched it away from him. She read out aloud what he had written. "Ryu sat on the deck chair, while Chun-Li gave him a lap dance..." The rest she could read.

"You know I wish you wouldn't read loudly... but its good isn't it?"

"Yea...good enough too burn more like…what is this 'Street Fighter' trash"

"Well I guess I need help then...but knowing you there's gonna be a catch so tell me now what is it...I will take it like a man"

"Fine you can be my slave for however long it will take for US to finish writing this book; I can't do it by my self"

"Whaaaaat that's too long...how bout a week?"

"No a six weeks"

"NO SEVEN WEEKS?" realising what he said he covered his mouth and started muttering the word 'no' to him self.

"You sure have gotten dumb in the last few years huh?"

-

Kakashi decided to pay Jiraya a visit and Tsunade opened the door. "What do you want Kakashi...how'd you find us" she asked with a cold tone

Ignoring the cold welcome he said "Good Morning my dear hokage...is Jiraya home?"

"Nope sorry got to go bye" she said in a hurry but before she could slam the door Kakashi jammed his head in to stop her.

"Say... you don't mind if I wait here do you?" Before she could reply, he was making him self comfy on her couch. Jiraya walked into the room with only a towel on. "I thought you said he wasn't in?"

"Ah hello Kakashi-san" said Jiraya in a monotone voice

"Say old lady Tsunade do you mind leaving us alone for a moment?" asked Kakashi

"I AM NOT AN OLD LADY...but sure I'll leave you alone if that's what you want" she knew what Kakashi wanted but she also knew that she had her husband right where she wanted him

"So how come you haven't got an other book out yet?"

"Errr...Book?"

"Yes"

"God doesn't like boys who write trashy novels"

"I see...Hahahaha...Dude you're so whipped"

"GET OUT!"

Behind the door Tsunade was smiling.

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Sorry if this chapter isnt so good but i try my best the next few updates might come a tad slower since im at school next week + i've mountains of hw to do but any how please RR noo flames 

ps. i no every is a bit out of character


	4. Opening, Sleeping, Tricking, Tricked

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Yea...So I guess I'm continuing the story after so may nice reviews and I'd like to say a special thanks to Bevy-chan because you have been pestering me on and on to write the next chapter i'm glad you like.

And thanks also to Ester (da pervy hehe)and Millie-chan

but it seems like no one is reading my other story I wonder why that is!

* * *

Write Me A Story

Chapter Four: Opening, Sleeping, Tricking, Tricked

So all the senseis were at the cinema watching Kakashi's favourite movie. Kakashi had forced them all to go, every one had to endure two hours of perverted ness, every one was near tears but it wasn't because the film was so 'touching'. Kakashi had felt a little sad since Jiraya would be publishing any time in the near future...or any future for that matter. Maybe he could bribe Jiraya? Any way who cares at least I've got my film.

* * *

So Naruto and Hinata were sitting on the couch in Hinatas room. They were arguing about who would open the book but they were getting no where.

"You open it"

"No you"

"You"

"I'll buy you ramen for a week if you open it?" said Hinata; she knew how to push all his buttons. (Ahhh...I got writes block now)

"Ok..." Jaws music plays in the background "Chapter One" he gulped then read out loud...

* * *

"So I have an idea Shika. How about we rent a romance movie (not a dirty one) and then steel the plot. We can then steel the dirty parts from an other book?"

"Whatever, this is troublesome"

"What movie do you want to pick?"

"How about...Cinderella?"

"What it's a 'romance' isn't it?"

"...fine what ever, I'll go and rent it now"

"No need I've got it at home"

"Eh...you watched it before?"

"No...It belongs to my sister" he kicked himself then because he realised he didn't have one.

"You don't have a sister"

"She moved away before I was born"

"..." whatever she thought because it was obvious that he enjoyed it, why can't he just admit it.

5 minuets later-

So they were watching Cinderella and Shikamaru was well into the plot now was his favourite part when the fairy god mother was about to change the pumpkin into a carriage. All of a sudden he felt a head drop down on his shoulder. Wait a minuit Ino was meant to be collecting notes for the story and now she falls asleep. Shikamaru was about to wake her up when he looked deeply at her face. She looked so peaceful and clam when she was sleeping...so much more different to the bossy Ino she was when she was awake.

So he continued to watch his favourite film while Ino rested on his shoulder. Shikamaru's mum was peeping through the ajar door, gosh they do make a cute couple she thought to her self, slowly she pulled out the camera remembering to take the flash off and click. Picture Perfect.

* * *

As Neji and Tenten walked down the street not having and idea about how they were going to write their story they saw something..."Limited Edition...Come Come Paradise" Tenten read out, this meant there was only one copy. Little did she and Neji know, they were going to be victims of Kakashi's prank.

"Hey sounds like a good idea" said Neji "...this means that we can copy it word for word and Kakashi will never know!"

* * *

"It will serve them right for trying to cheat" said Kakashi.

"But that's not fair" Kurenai tried to reason with him but she knew that she would never win this argument.

"Life isn't fair"

"You're damn right it's not" Everyone was at Kakashi's mercy, even Gai, his eternal rival was being forced to do something he didn't want to.

* * *

Neji and Tenten were at the cashier paying for the book when the sales person gave them strange looks, they ignored this and went off, 600 dollars they had paid for that book. When they opened it they read "You just been punked love you're beautiful sensei GAI... go to our training area and take two steps forward and then five to the left. Ps. bring a note pad and pen.

"So what do you think, Should we do this?" asked Tenten as she flicked through the rest of the book finding blank pages.

"I'm not sure but do you think that Gai would ever do any thing bad to us?"

"That depends but I guess we will have to go because of the blackmail thing I certainly do not want people finding out things about me...you know what I mean?

"Fine..."

So they arrived at the spot after and hour or so and then Neji felt it, some thing wasn't right. "Some things not right" he said.

"Oh you reckon?" Tenten muttered sarcastically. And suddenly before they knew it they were hanging down from a tree encased in a rope cage. Gai-sensei came out a second later, "I'm sorry my children for doing this to you" he cried dramatically. "I'm sorry, but its for you're own good, until you have finished you're story you may not come out of there this is under the instruction of Kakashi-sensei. I side with him on this occasion because you cheated." He shrieked while tears flowed from his face.

"Oh for the love of god...are you saying we are going to be trapped here for a long time?" said Neji.

"I don't think so" said Tenten pulling out her kunai.

"Don't bother that wont work the rope is being held together by chakra the more you cut the more it will repair its self." with that their crazy sensei disappeared.

"Bloody Great...huh?"

"..." replied Neji.

* * *

Choji, Kiba, Lee and Shino were eating but this time they were at Lee's house, Shino had refused to eat since Lee's mum had made chocolate coved ants, and they were her new speciality.

They were discussing what to write in the story but they weren't getting any where. "I know we need a female perspective" said Lee who was warming to the idea of writing the dirty book.

So they all left Lee's house and trotted down the street...first stop...the hot springs, if this is how Jiraiya gets his inspiration then so be it, they would try too.

* * *

Mean while Sakura was about to tuck into her meal when she herd a knock from her door. Annoyed, she got up and opened the door.

It was Sauske.

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You like? Read and Review.

Sorry if it's not up to ure standards.

I'll focus harder next time.

Ja ne

heheheee

I do feel evil leaving the story like that though!


	5. I feel feint!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

I'm glad I got so many positive reviews so thanks to the following:

Inu-fan-5

Dark Nemis7

Cyberwing

Bevy-chan

Shibbles

As for anon: tsumaranai desu- I know my spelling is pretty crap so are you offering to be a beta- reader? If any one wants to be the beta reader for this story just send me a message. BTW- why do ppl always go on anon when they tell me my spelling is bad and why is spell check not good enough?

Any way back to the story

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Write Me A Story:

Chapter Five: I feel feint!

Sasuke had walked into the living room while Sakura gawped at him like a fish for five minutes. She was a little surprised as she wasn't expecting to see him until Monday. The poor guy looked warn out, he must really be exhausted from this 'mission'. "Sa-sasuke- kun", she stuttered. He had bags under his eyes and it seemed like he hadn't shaved in ages, some how it made him look younger , vulnerable, even sexy.

"Sakura-chaaaaaan" he managed to drawl out, he was leaning over her now and she felt a blush rise into her cheeks. As he leaned over he closed his eyes. She closed her eyes too, anticipating her long awaited kiss, she still dreamed about this moment even when she was pretending she didn't have feelings for him. She felt his heavy breath on her he smelt like coffee. It was then that he...collapsed and fell on top of her.

As she struggled to get out from underneath him she couldn't help but feel stupid, angry and hurt. Of course he would never lover her the way she loved him. When she was finally up, she struggled to pick up Sasuke and place him on her couch, so she dragged him along the ground knocking him on the furniture as she turned corners by accident of course, she didn't mean to hurt him. She couldn't help but let a laugh escape from her mouth as she imagined all the bruises he would wake up with.

So finally she placed him comfortably on the couch and then she brought a blanket to cover him she then brought a glass of water and an aspirin to put on the coffee table for when he woke up.

* * *

Tenten and Neji were still in their little rope prison dangling down from the tree. Tenten was hopelessly trying to cut the rope while Neji was stabbing the rope with chakra moulded in to a sharp point.

"This is hopeless" said Tenten as she decided to slip her legs out side two of the holes, after being in there for two hours, it was beginning to feel rather crowded and her legs were feeling cramp. Neji saw her do this and decided to do the same, after two hours of trying to cut their way out they were exhausted. They sat back to back, leaning on each other for support as they both tipped their heads back, and they knock it into each other making a big bang sound.

"Ow, watch it" they both said at the same time...they sat there after a while rubbing their aching heads. They were thinking of strategies of getting out of the cage.

An hour later their 'sensei' came back with some food as he knew that his team was the one with the biggest appetite. He knew that Tenten would get cranky if she didn't get her 'kunai power bars' (It's a power bar in the shape of a kunai basically).

With stars in her eyes Tenten gazed at the food, how she longed to eat after being exhausted. "Here you go team" said Gai as he tossed the bag to Tenten, who had her arms open, for once in her life she was thankful to her sensei but it was his fault they were in that mess in the first place. All thankfulness was gone and the stars had been replaced with coldness. Neji, who was fast asleep, was unaware of Gai's arrival so he didn't know about the food. Tenten took advantage of this and decided to stuff her face, she knew that it was a very unattractive thing to do but, hell who was she trying to impress...Neji?

She decided to eat his share she was about to pull out a rice ball when something grabbed her hand, the food was inches from her mouth. "Hold it right there, that's mine"

"Oh crap he's awake" she couldn't help but grin sheepishly and hand the food back to him. Uh oh, he's going to get angry, she thought. But lucky for he didn't. There were two power bars left and one more rice ball so he decided to let her eat the rice ball since she seemed more hungry then him, the reaction he got from her was priceless as shestared intohis eyes and feinted.

* * *

Shikamaru was beginning to get angry as his co-writer was still sleeping. He was staring deeply at her wondering how he would wake her up. He didn't care about how peaceful she looked. At one point he thought about giving her the kiss of life from 'Sleeping Beauty', but what if she woke up and slapped him in the face, any way he didn't have time to dwell on it because she was already starting to wake up. As she did, she noticed someone gazing at her intently. His brows were furrowed and his mouth drawn into a straight line. Oh crap he was pissed at her. "Err...sorry for falling asleep, how was the film...do you want to start writing?" she asked him, she had to tread softly now because she never liked being in his bad books...little did she know that she wasn't.

"Well the film was crap" he lied, "but lets start with chapter one." Ino suddenly felt sickened as they thought how they were going to turn a children's bedtime story in to an R-rated book, but she kept this thought to herself.

* * *

As Naruto was gazing at 'Come Come Paradise', Hinata was looking at him anticipating an answer for him. Strangely he seemed to be enjoying the book. 'You pervert' she thought. Naruto's eyes flicked for a moment from the book to Hinata and then he realised the way he was behaving. "Ewww..."he cried suddenly, "this book is sick" he lied.

She knew he was lying but she did not have the heart to tell him. "Let's get writing now I guess" she said.

"Wait...you don't believe me do you...read it yourself" So she did. Her face reddened instantly and the book dropped from her hands. She seemed to be paralysed. No matter how much he shook her she wouldn't snap out of it.

* * *

Lee and the gang had stepped into the public hot springs they had changed into their towels with note pads in hand, people were giving them strange looks. Lee had an idea, maybe if they did 'harem no jutsu' then they would be allowed to go into the ladies section. He whispered this thought to Kiba who said "a) We don't even know how to do it and b) Jiraya gets inspiration though peeping", good point. Pervert.

Hope you like RR

Thanks 4 reading


	6. awake

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the bit that Shikamaru reads out for his story

Sorry haven't updated in a while, it's 'cus a) I've been updating my other story and I've done a silly one shot.

b) I hurt my left arm and if I type too quickly or for too long it goes into 'seizures'

Oh n by the way if the person who reviewed my one-shot is reading this now...thanks for reviewing."

Mille-chan- ooo...use you're imagination because this is a PG-13...loll

Dark Nemesis- danke

PoiPoi- I do my best

InuFan5- Yay a FAN!

KunochiDreamer- thanks

FireDragonBL- Loyal reader of both my stories.

Lee-sanOnee-san-thank you

Thanks really for everyone who reviews

* * *

Blackmail and Deadlines...

Chapter Six: Awake

Sakura POV:

"That bastards hogging my sofa", I can't watch TV. Its nine already, when's he going to go home? I'm going to go to sleep now, when that bastard wakes up he can find his own way out.

Sasuke POV:

It's fun getting her angry, but who the hell does she think she is calling me a bastard? Pervert, she was watching me sleep wasn't she. Two can play at that game. When I knew she was fast asleep, I went out to my apartment to get a few stuff. I arrived back and she was still sleeping. I took out the stuff from my bag and I placed them around her bed room. I was setting up a booby trap!

* * *

Tenten POV:

I made a fool of myself yesterday. 'Feinting'. So I snapped out of it eventually, and then now Neji isn't talking to me at the moment since he's meditating, thank-god, I couldn't cope with it if he kept on teasing me like he was a few minutes ago. I feel so icky, I need a shower, my hair is going to start getting greasy, mind you so is Neji's, he was still 'meditating', and you know he is the worst person to be stuck with because he never talks. So after thinking of a story to write my head was starting to hurt so I let my hair tumble down, I released my pins and shock my head from side to side.

Neji POV:

It was like from out of a head and shoulders advert. Her hair swished from side to side as she gently shook her head, I was mesmerised. Heck I'm going delusional in this cage thing, sanity come back to me...you know right now I really am a caged bird...have I mentioned that by the way?

Tenten POV:

Ok...why the hell is he staring at me...make him stop...oh my god is he smiling? Oh crap, is he angry? Was it my hair? Should I tie it back up?

Neji POV:

Oh no she thinks I'm a freak, Dude stop staring; maybe I should tell her I fancy her? What I fancy Tenten? Snap out of it man! She's you're team mate, for the love of god! Play it cool man. Yea, I'm cool, yea! You wanna piece of me. "Watch out." Yea chikatah.

"Watch out for what Neji?"

"Eh...What you taking about?"

"You said 'watch out' and then you were smiling."

"I think it was in you're imagination, I never smile, I'm NEJI, err... why did you let you're hair down."

"I had a head ache, it seems like I'm the only one here who's actually writing this damn thing any way stop changing the subject."

"How do you stop you're hair from getting dandruff, by the way?"

"Oh, head and shoulder's a quite good...STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT"

* * *

"And then Junko said 'I'm going to loose track of you'" Naruto was reading loudly from the book 'Come Come Paradise '. Hinata was still in a daze, and Naruto had tried everything to get her to snap out of it. Oh looky here, Naruto thought to him self, there was a bit about someone feinting and then getting the kiss of life. Maybe this will work, but its kinda weird isn't it, and also a little perverted, he thought to himself. Any way so he puckered up his lips and counted from one to three. Here goes nothing, he waited and thought, yo Hinatas kind of pretty you know, she's got beautiful eyes and a cute little button nose. Ah well so he kissed her on the lips and nothing happened. "Nani" he muttered to himself. But after a moment her eyes fluttered back to life and stared at Naruto quizzically wondering what had happened, and then she saw his blush and his lightly red lip-gloss stained lips.

"Naruto you've been trying on my lip-gloss?"

"Nani" he said shocked.

"Admit it, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Neji-nii san did that once to Tenten, but that was because he fan-" fancied her she thought does he like little old me? Naruto was thinking that oh my god, could that be whatGai is blackmailing him with. Naruto let out a little snigger. "Nooo... you can't tell any one please Naruto I'll do any thing, you name it."

"Well I suppose Ramen every now and then would be good enough."

"Ok"

"By the way, I didn't try on you're lip gloss...I gave you the kiss of life."

"..." Blush.

* * *

"So sleeping beauty had pricked her finger and the prince was fighting the dragon..." Shikamaru was reading what Ino had written, "When he arrived at the motel room where she was sleeping he ravaged her while she was sleeping."...Shikamaru could read any more he was disgusted; Ino had ruined his favourite bed time story. Oh well there was always 'Beauty and the Beast'

"So do you like it then?"

"I hate it, it's disgusting." Shiakmaru replied, on the verge of a mental break down. "You made the Prince _rape _her?"

"Actually it's not _rape_, since she was _enjoying_ it. Ok so she was asleep but then she woke up right?"

"This is sick!"

"Fine lets see what you wrote."

"Fine...He then crossed a court paved with marble, went up the stairs and came into the guard chamber, where guards were standing in their ranks, with their muskets upon their shoulders, and snoring as loud as they could. After that he went through several rooms full of gentlemen and ladies, all asleep, some standing, others are sitting. At last he came into a chamber all gilded with gold, where he saw upon a bed, the curtains of which were all open, the finest sight was ever beheld - a princess, who appeared to be about fifteen or sixteen years of age, and whose bright and, in a manner, resplendent beauty, had somewhat in it divine. He approached with trembling and admiration, and fell down before her upon his knees." (p.s. I do not own this bit so don't sue me)

"Are you..._gay_?"

"How can I be gay when I have feelings for you?" Yelled a stressed Shika.

"You know personally I think Kakashi will like my version best, since he's a per- you what?"

* * *

I don't care what they say, "I'm going to do a 'harem no jutsu' and then I will have the best story." Shouted Lee with flames in his eyes. Everyone at the restaurant was staring at him as he marched out side. "Harem no jutsu" he shouted before the shop window. He transformed into a fat woman with a shiny bob. "What's wrong with me, my breast are saggy, and my stomach is a puffy." He cried, before the mirror as he heard someone yell, "Get some clothes on you old hag."

"Ah, alas I cannot bare it. I shall transform back and give up this mighty quest, for I do not make an attractive female. I shall stay the sexy man I am." A voice appeared in Lee's head, it was Gai's voice..."do not give up..." it said. "For beauty is on the inside."

"Yes Gai, you are right, I won't give up."

"God he's really lost it said Kiba who was peeping from a tree, his 'team' had already finished their story, and Lee had earlier abandoned their group because he thought the story wasn't 'saucy or fiery' enough, that how Lee put it.

* * *

You like? Let me know! 


	7. Traps, Sleep Talking and Tranny

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Thanks: Bevy-chan, moonlightpath, Inu-Fan-5, Dark Nemesis 7, VanillaYumez, Emily and Sane-Sammi.

Thanks again to bevy-chan who literally forced her friend to read my story, its nice to know that you like it that much!

* * *

Blackmail and Deadlines...

Chapter Seven: Traps, Sleep Talking and Tranny

Sakura woke up a little early that morning but the moment her eyes flickered open she wish she hadn't, oh god, what had happened to her room, it looked like a death scene. Her foot touched the ground. Silly Sakura. Trap number one, Ice cold water came tumbling down on her. "Oh crap crap, oh my god-er that's cold, oh-my-god Sasuke's going to d-ie, son of a bi-"

She was a bout to finish when her head banged against trap number three. Red paint poured down the beautiful bubblegum pink hair. "Ah, my hair." She stomped her right foot down, oh no bad move Sakura, Trap number three came down a net of kunai's were falling down but just at that point an exasperated Sasuke ran in. 'Did I miss it?' he thought, 'Oh god I hope I didn't'.

As he walked in, it was like slow motion he saw a vision of red dodging all the kunai's left right and centre, just like he thought. She was strong, no longer the weakling she used to be. But she did look dead funny. That night after he set up the traps he had taken a pen and decided to draw on her face a little, ok that was an under statement he drew a lot, it started as a little moustache and then evolved into the full deal, eyebrows, blush effects. Even with all the crap he thought she still look beautiful. Now she was awake and furious as hell.

Once the sound of clinking kunais had left the room, it was filled with silence. Angry silence.

"Get out." But he didn't leave, instead he laughed

"It was only a harmless prank."

"What if one of those kunais had hit me, what then?"

"But it didn't, did it?"

"Just leave." She was nearly in tears.

"I'm sorry." He said suddenly feeling the seriousness of his actions.

"So am I."

* * *

20 mins later

She had managed to get all the crap off her face and the paint wouldn't really come off her hair, she needed to buy some white spirit and for that she needed to go out.

She went out wearing a hair net, she looked in the mirror before she left, and I look like my nana she thought. She gathered up the courage to go out in her hair net and she turned the corner to the store, paranoid she felt all eyes on her, scuttling to the spirit section when she tripped on a piece of wire, tripping, she seemed to be doing a lot of that her face was red, dead embarrassed. She was about to pay when she saw paint. Lots of paint, and it was on sale. Can you possibly guess what she was thinking?

When she went home she prepared a few goods. She then left for Sasuke's house. She knocked and he opened the door, at this moment in time he repulsed her, but she would get even. She managed her biggest smile and he asked her to come in as expected. Phase one of her plan was about to begin.

She sat down on the sofa. He looked at her suspiciously, why wasn't she pissed of with him?

"Don't worry Sasuke-kun, I forgive you any way lets be friends again."

"Sure" He was still slightly suspicious but he decided to dismiss his first instincts as predicted by Sakura.

"Can I get you a drink?" It was his house but since he was staring at her so intently he had forgotten to offer her a drink.

"Water."

"Ok be right back." She said while Sasuke sat on _his_ sofa like an idiot while Sakura went in _his _kitchen serving _him_, _his _own drinks.

She poured out some water for both of them and put a sleeping pill thingy in one glass.

When she came back he was still suspicious and reluctantly he held his hang out for a glass. "I want that one." he said

"Why?" bull's eye, she knew he would do this.

"I want that one." he said again.

"Ok." she held out the glass to him, and he took it and to a large gulp. He wiped his mouth and smirked.

"Why aren't you drinking you're water?"

"You...want me to drink the water?"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"Ok.../gulps down water/."

"Nani...it's not drugged?"

"No mine isn't but yours is." With that he slumped on the floor. Great phase two of the plan was on the way.

* * *

Tenten had a problem every time when she was exhausted she had a problem that she would fall into a deep sleep and start sleep talking. Now she was exhausted. Neji was watching her worried face as her eyelids kept on dropping down. One, two, her eyes would drop, three, four, her eyes would flutter back open, five, six, she was sleeping, seven, eight, her head fell on Neji's lap, nine, ten. She was sleep talking.

"Neji, I love you, you're the best sparring partner a girl could ever have." She was slurring her words.

"Uh...Tenten...wake up." Neji was saying as he tapped her cheeks with his hand. "Get off Tenten; you're head's kinda heavy."

"Neji, Will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Oh that's great Neji lets have a tea party."

"Oh, Tenten, please wake up."

"Oh lets call all our friends."

"Tenten someone's stolen you're kunai." yelled Neji.

"WA, Waaa, kunai thief, where?" She was startled. So she got up suddenly. "Neji, I was having a good dream!"

"Oh really, what was it about?"

"I...err...I was eating a kunai bar, and it felt so real"

"Really...are you sure that was you dream"

"Yes" Damn, can he read my mind even when I sleep? Oh, crap, please tell me I wasn't sleep talking.

"Liar, you fancy me."

"You wish."

* * *

Lee walked down the pavement, bruised, battered, determined. Someone will let me into the hot springs as a woman, he thought. All the other nice hot springs had harem no jutsu detectors ever since Kohanamaru and Naruto had tried the stunt. Finally he landed him self in a 'Tranny Hot spring Club' now he thought it read ' Trainee Hot springs' but he was too excited so he just ran in, his harem no jutsu seemed to be improving a lot. He had now turned into a forty year old, whose breast weren't as saggy and facial features slightly defined, his hair was now a greasy black mop with the odd greys sticking out.

He walked into the Tranny club and they accepted him, he was led to the changing rooms and was about to dismiss the whole plan, when his inner Gai sensei appeared.

"Never give up Lee, embrace the Tranny health spa."

"Eh? Tranny?"

"Yes, the youth must have new experiences."

"Hai, Gai sensei. You're right." Music played as he entered the spa. It was Tranny Karaoke night and someone had been dragged on the stage. He was being forced to sing.

"Sing." said the man in the red two piece.

"Uh whoa whoa whoa he's a lady." came the droning voice in the microphone." Yea Ow common ow." the red head muttered into the sound device.

"Hey I thought people from the sand country were meant to be born singers." cried one from the audience. People were beginning to throw tomatoes at the boy with purple make-up. Lee took a harder look but it was slightly impossible with out super eyes. He wished he could see through the mist in the spa.

"Uh Kankuro...Gaara?" Lee was surprised, gosh where was his camera?

"Sing dammit woman." yelled a wo/man who was wearing a skin tight bathing costume that left nothing to the imagination, the man was wearing an inflatable bra.

"Well he's all you'd ever want  
He's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner  
Well he always knows her place  
He's got style, he's got grace, he's a winner.

He's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, he's a Lady  
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady he's mine."

"Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong."

"What we sang it right." said Gaara.

"It's she's a lady." Yelled one of the locals." Like everyone knows that."

"Yea but you're not a lady." Said Kankuro

"Why you little-"

"Come on Kankuro, we don't need to do this crap." said Gaara dragging away his brother who was asking for a fight.

"But Kakashi will-"

"Forget that loser." 'What the sand trio too?' thought Lee

"Garaa, look it's that Lee dude in harem form."

"NANI? You know were going to have to kill him now don't you?"

* * *

Read and review please!

Sorry if spelling n grammar is bad


	8. Singing, Sake, Letters, Kisses, Fish Lip...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Thanks people who review you guys make my day!

Inu-Fan-5

Bevy-chan

jayblinkazn (times 4, all reviews were so great to read...sorry mate but the people have spoken and there will be no yaio...sorry)

RemyLuver

Millie-chan

Now I was just wondering if some people could help me think of something really funny to write for this fic since I'm getting a little lost for ideas...

Drop a review and let me know!

* * *

Blackmail and Deadlines

Chapter Eight: Singing, Sake, Letters, Kisses, Fish Lips and Pudding Pie

Lee was trembling how is it that Kankuro knew who s/he was? 'Oh no, they look as if they are going to kill Me.' thought Lee.

"Kankuro, you get him from the front and I'll grab him from behind, gottit?"

"Right." So Kankuro was walking forward towards Lee and Gaara behind they were about to grab Lee when the karaoke guy grabbed Lee first and pulled him onto the stage, Gaara and Kankuro fell towards each other and ended up hugging.

"Eww, get off me you freak." said Gaara

"What, wa? You're not Lee. Uh where did that rat go?"

"L-look." said Gaara pointing to the stage. Sand Nins were staring at the stage, Lee had been forced to sing, and Lee wasn't having it so a man had poured sake down his throat.

"Lighten up lady." said the man. Lee slumped onto the ground. The sake was taking its effect on him. He stood up and his body wavered around for a while, he pick up the microphone and music played. Oh it was his favourite song. 'Celine Dion- Like a Natural Woman'. He began to sing and the microphone made a screeching sound.

"Cos you make me feeeeeel

You make me fee eel like a na-tu-ral wo-maaaaan" Lee continued to sing in a high pitch voice. "G-aii-sensei wi-ll be so-ooo-ooo ow proud- o-of mmmeeeeee"

"Oh god." said Gaara clutching his ears, "He's worse then us." Gaara was becoming angry and desperate. "Make him stop...oh please make him stop...I beg you, I'll never kill again I swear." With that the music stopped and Lee fell to the ground.

Kankuro poked Lee a couple of times and decided that Lee was asleep. "Oh I think we can let him live, I doubt that he will remember this when he wakes up, his chakra will run out soon and he will return back into his normal form." said Kankuro in a matter-of-fact voice. Suddenly a hand grabbed his foot.

"Thought I was asleep did you?" Lee slurred, "I was just pretending. See I fooled you."

"Dammit, Gaara, get him off me."

"I'm outta here, don't you remember what happened last time he was drunk and we were invited to Sakura's 18th birthday party, her house got so trashed they had to redo the whole structure of the building."

"Noo nooooo Gaara wait. Don't leave me." cried Kankuro.

"Sorry bro." Gaara was turning to toward the door...everyone was running out of the hot springs half naked as Lee had already begun trashing the karaoke set screaming "Damn trannys, don't like my singing." He was still holding Kankuro's foot using his body as a mallet.

"Gaara never forget, ow my head, I looove yooooou." said Kankuro, his head was bruised, he didn't want to die.

* * *

"Just admit it, you want my babies." Said the woman. Gai-sensei had 'kindly' given Neji and Tenten his portable TV. He had put on a nice romantic film on for his second favourite students. It was driving Neji and Tenten out of their minds so Gai kindly put it far away from them so they couldn't touch it. He disappeared claiming he had an other match with his eternal rival. The TV continued playing in the background while Tenten had her hands clasped over their ears, Neji was busy writing the story but the background noise plus Tenten's whining was getting on his nerves.

Removing her hand from her ears she grabbed a kunai bar, Gai-sensei took their kunai holster saying that if they tried to break his TV they would pay a very dire price. She aimed for the lady on the screen who was now at the feet of her boyfriend screaming for forgiveness. She ate a piece of the kunai bar almost kissing it good bye, she hated wasting food but she had no choice the TV was officially pissing her off. She aimed and threw it. Neji was praying for her to score. Yes, she hit the screen, making it crack a little but not enough. She tried again but missed there was only one kunai bar left. She threw it but it grazed the Ariel so the channel changed onto oo'er porn ewwwwwww.

"Neji, change it, change it fast, change it now." She was going to be mentally scarred now.

"How."

"I donno mould you chakra in to a needle of something."

"Good idea." So he did just that but he hit the wrong button it was the volume button. The volume had increased.

Gai was walking to take back his TV when he heard some grunting noises coming from where his students were. He stood there still. 'I wanted them to make up but not like this'

"Put you're finger further out Neji. No you're not trying hard enough." cried Tenten.

"I am, god stop shaking Tenten, it'll all be over soon." Gai was running away now, he didn't stay long enough to hear what happened next.

"Look what you did you silly twat, you broke the 'off' button."

"What?"

After a few more hours Neji manage to break the TV. Overjoyed Tenten clasped her hands together and kissed Neji on the lips. (o.O thought Neji blushing a little.)

* * *

Sakura had set up her trap carefully so as to not wake up 'sleeping beauty'. She was nearly done and she had all five cameras in place, now all she had to do was wait for him to wake up...

She waited and waited and she saw him stir a little in his sleep. She could wait any longer and she prodded him with a large stick, keeping her distance. Startled he woke up and banged his head on a tin of paint. Pink paint. All over him...all over his bed. PINK!

He scurried out of bed just to see how much damage had been done. Vision of himself looked back at him as he stared into the mirror..."All my hair its pa-pa-pa pink" he looked down his at his leg hair, under his arm pits and eww pubes and they were all pink. "EW that pervert, I'm gonna get her back for this." Little did Sasuke know that there was a camera rolling...

Sakura finally made her appearance she looked into the eyes of a furious Sasuke, she smiled. "I guess were even now Sasuke-kun...oh and by the way...SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!" she skipped off.

He would have to get the tape back no matter what. But how?

* * *

Naruto and Hinata had finished most of their story by now and Hinata had promised to make him Ramen since Naruto was now blackmailing her. "Naruto how long do you think you can keep doing this for?"

"Doing what?" he said while slurping some of the water.

"Eat ramen, it's really not good for you, you need to try other foods."

"Nani? You shouldn't worry so much you know Hinata."

"It's only because I care for you." She said with a serious look on her face...Naruto was the one blushing now, leaned over and kissed her on the lips.

"What kind of food?"

"Sushi for example"

"What's that?"

"It's raw fish with other stuff."

"Sorry, I don't do raw fish."

"Try some for me..." said Hinata giving him her best puppy dog eyes look.

"...Ok."

"Yata...I mean that's good well done."

* * *

Shikamaru couldn't believe what he had told Ino, and by the look of her neither could she, how ever she was blushing...um is that a good or bad thing, I wonder if she still fancies Sasuke, should I ask her? This is too troublesome

"How long have you like me for?"

"Eh? Yea a while now...jeez blonds are rather dense aren't they I mean Naruto doesn't know that Hinata fancies him and you didn't know that I..."

"Actually I knew for a while now, I was just checking...and I guess the same could be said for brunettes because you didn't know that I liked you."

"Wa?"

"That's right." while arguing their faces moved closer together. (Ooooh kissy wissy bit coming up)

"So you like me..."

"Yes..." she breathed out, faces still drawing nearer to each other he put his finger under her chin pulling her closer too him and then they kissed (...Muuuwaaaaaa), it was like fish lips, thought Ino, he really needs to learn how to kiss properly, oh well practise makes perfect she thought as she leaned in again.

'Eww, I've got fish lips...huh? She likes that?' thought a confused Shikamaru.

* * *

Back at the Hot Springs...Kankuro was now bruised and battered but surprisingly not dead. Lee was still slurring and still drunk he had walked over to a pole and started dancing and singing..."I just don't know what to do with my selfffffff. Come on Kankuro join in." Kankuro couldn't walk.

"I think you broke my legs" he cried in pain.

"Well now you know the feeling, the only way to get rid of the pain is to train...get up and dance. Yea baaaaay-beeeee YEA."

* * *

Kakashi was walking down the street when he heard all the commotion. "What's going on?' he thought 'Ah well none of my business I don't care." Suddenly a tall red haired man stepped in front of him crossing his path.

"It is you're business because my brother is stuck there while a drunken Lee is trying to kill him."

"What were you doing in a tranny spa?"

"Looking for inspiration like you said, you stupid SOB."

"I don't remember saying that, all I said was Jiraya gets his inspiration by looking at naked women, I just suggested that you could do the same but I never told you to look at transsexuals."

"Listen you stupid man, get my brother out and then leave us alone for good...you got that?"

"Fine...so then you won't mind if I go and every one your little secret then."

"Look here you'll get your dirty book but first get Kankuro out."

"Fine." Five minutes later Kakashi had managed to knock Lee out and had also managed to pull out a mangled Kankuro who was rapped around a pole. After he had finished he went to his apartment and found out that someone had sent him a note, he read it aloud..."I now you're dirty little secret and I'm going to tell...If you continue to force us to write you're dumb assed stories then I will tell...Ah empty threats mean nothing to me." said Kakashi in response to the letter. He tossed the letter into the fire and went to sleep.

The next day Kakashi woke up feeling refreshed, he went to get his mail...strange it was another treat. "If you ever toss my letter into the fire you will pay" Kakashi sighed and threw the later in the bin. He went to pour coffee into his mug when he found another letter. "You're quick and cleaver but if you disrespect my letters ever again you will pay." he found another letter, what was this strange jutsu? Letters began appearing everywhere; Kakashi didn't open any of them soon the letters were pelting all over him.

"Nooooooooooooooooo" he yelled

* * *

Sasuke tapped on Sakura's door with a huge smirk on his face, he held the pie and one hand and the camera in the other. She opened the door and she looked rather scared as she looked into Sasuke's face. He then plunged the pie into her face and she stood there fuming and furious. He clicked the camera and was about to skip off when Sakura grabbed his shoulder turning him...

She wiped her face taking off all the cream, she then leaned her face into his...the smell of pie and cherry blossom was intoxicating his senses...she kissed him and he kissed her back, their faces were apart and she whispered "I'll give you yours if you give me mine...wanna trade?" Sasuke's grip on the picture had loosened and he slipped it into her had and visa versa...

"By the way my pubes are pink, any idea how that happend?

* * *

Please read and review I hope you like this chapter...

(Remember no flamers' thanks)


	9. Finishing Fight Delivering the Book

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Thanks for reviewing chapter 8

Bevy-chan, THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTION

Remy-Luver

Lee-sanOnee-san

TheSunshineGirls, HEY don't forget you can always go back and review chapters you haven't already reviewed...hint hint...actually this applies to everyone so review away, remember no flamers.

Inu-Fan-5

jay-blink-azn32

Tsuki Angel

Millie-chan

Sane-sammi- So you should be proud...loll...! Toddle poodle! Thanks for making up the poem.

OH YEA DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW...PLEASE REVIEW...PLEASE!

No Flamers!

* * *

Blackmail and Deadlines 

Chapter Nine: Finishing fight

* * *

Lee was sitting on the street outside his shack he was feeling slightly cold and confused. He had a spitting headache, god, how did he get here? A large bra and thong clung to his body; he couldn't remember all the events from last night. Lee rubbed his head and stood up. It hurt so much to just move a muscle, as he stood up the thong slid down his legs leaving him exposed...O.o 

"Hey get some clothes on you freaking idiot." It was like a scene out of 'Terminator', (der der doo de doof de ner neeeer) Lee walked up to the man in a semi- naked state. Lee knocked the guy out and stripped him of his clothes. He slipped on the pink floral shirt and he decided to rip the leather trousers to his liking...so basically he wore short leather shorts with no underpants plus a pink shirt with flowers on it, he kept the bra on underneath. He took the mans glasses and dragged him into the middle of the ally way.

"Astalavista...Baby" Lee hopped on the guy's rusty bike...he was on a quest to recover his memory.

Riding down the streets of Konoha Lee was looking for some clues, where did he go last night?

Suddenly he saw some puppets in a stall. There was one with a purple face and red hair it had green eyes much like Gaara.

Wait a minute? Gaara?

* * *

Still dangling down in their little prison, Tenten was wondering if that kiss had made them an item. Neji was busy writing; he was trying to take his mind off yesterday. The two were sitting in uncomfortable silence. 'So hmm, this story is set in China right.' thought Neji 'and the guys name is Marco...right.' Neji was furiously scribbling away, to day was due date for the story and Tenten was watching him with her eyebrows furrowed. 

Now Neji was giggling manically. He was clutching his sides, his laugh made all the birds fly out of the trees, his laugh made all the leaves fall off the branches (well almost).

Tenten snatched the book from out of his grasp. His laughter slowly ebbed away.

Tenten read aloud: "Marco Polo went to China

Came back with a sack and a brand new vagina..."

Tenten was officially disgusted. It wasn't even that funny, she was about to confront him when Gai-sensei appeared. "Students," he began, "I have spoken to Tsunade-sama and it appears that I have to release you from this prison."

"Yay Yata" cried Tenten, Neji backed away afraid she might kiss him again.

"Now isn't the time to celebrate...Tenten, Neji, you are under arrest for indecent exposure, anything you say or do may go against you in the court of law, you are allowed to have a lawyer present at the time of questioning, do I make my self clear." He got them out of the robe cage and cuffed their hands"

"This is a joke right?" asked Neji. He hadn't even removed a shirt during his time in the woods.

"No Neji, I'm dead serious, yesterday I heard you and Tenten having...having sexual intercourse."

"Excuse me?" said Tenten in disbelief.

"Walk, we must go to Tsunade-sama for questioning...seriously, have I taught you any thing over the past nine years? What if a child walked in while you were-?"

"We didn't ANYTHING you dirty pervert." said Tenten, uh oh her rage was peeping through. "You've been hanging around Kakashi too much; his pervy-ness is rubbing off."

"How dare you talk or my rival in such away." Meanwhile Neji was thinking, what could have given off the impression that they were sleeping together?

* * *

Naruto cringed, a number of dishes rested upon the white marble surface in the kitchen of Hinata's kitchen. Every thing was so clean, disturbingly clean, so clean it freaked him out. The plates were clean with all sorts of different foods resting ever so neatly on them. It was like being in a restaurant. Dish number one was... Okra salad. 

"Itadakimasu, what is this Hinata?"

"It's lady's fingers, or Okra some might call it." She said cheerfully as she saw Naruto place it in his gob.

"Verry gr-nice." He was chewing the slimy substance it tasted toxic. When she went behind the counter to get some salt, he spat it out into a tissue and put it in his pocket. Silly Naruto didn't know that she was using her Byakugan to detect his movements. Smiling she continued to dish out all the foods she knew he wouldn't like.

"There you go Naruto." Dish number Two Aubergines...so the list went on and eventually Naruto had no more space left in his pockets. He didn't know what to do. He liked spending time with Hinata but he didn't seem to like her food although her Ramen was pretty good. 'Oh why oh why is she torturing me?'

"Uh Naruto get ready it's time to go and drop the book of the Kakashi-sensei." said Hinata

* * *

Five pm: Kakashi was swimming in letters. He could cry a river at this moment in time. What would happen if his land lord came and found all this mess? Someone was playing an evil trick on him, "What do you want." he cried. Suddenly a red own soared through the window caring a red letter. It read 'Stop Blackmailing everyone and then I will make this all disappear.' Kakashi thought long and hard as he tried to decide what he would do. 

Temari was sitting on a branch of a tree out side Kakashi's window, she was out of his sight so he couldn't see her, she was using some chakra strings to control the movements of the letters. She was surprised that no one else had tried this.

Sakura and Sasuke were on their way to Kakashi's apartment, they were off to drop the story to him when they saw Temari, and quietly they watched her they obviously couldn't see the chakra strings in her hand so it looked like she was trying to grab the air.

"What on earth is she doing?" asked Sakura

"It looks like she is spying on Kakashi, doesn't she know he's involved with Kurenai-sensei?" replied Sasuke.

"Hey it looks like she punching the air...or is she trying to grab the window ledge, should we ask her?"

"No I have a better idea..."

"What now pink pubes?"

Sasuke looked at her in an irritated way, "A) Don't ever call me that...EVER and B) lets take a few pics of her, maybe we can use it to blackmail her." Suddenly Sasuke felt some tapping on his shoulders, her turned around and his onyx eyes met a pair or emerald eyes...nope it wasn't Sakura. It was Gaara. "Eh he he." Sasuke backed away.

Gaara looked up to see the butt of Sakura's and Sasuke's joke, when he saw Temari...O.o what was she doing there. How could she be spying o someone that was blackmailing her? Did she not know he was involved with Kurenai?

Gaara was about to march up to the tree when a bunch of hands grabbed him it was Kakuro, Sakura, and Sauke. "No not yet Gaara let's see what she's doing." said Kankuro who was Gaara's voice of reason.

So all four of them sat behind the tree gazing at Temari. Naruto and Hinata were walking hand in hand towards Kakashi's place when they saw everyone behind the tree, they were crouching on the ground, Kankuro was leaning over and his trousers were starting to reveal his crack.

"Ah ah Hinata-chan, look Kankuro's butt...Aaaahh..." Hinata nudged his side making him stop.

"Wait a minute Sakura-chan, I think I heard that dobe's voice wait here." said Sasuke standing up.

"Oh I'm not going any where" said Sakura; her eyes were fixated on Temari.

Sasuke walked up to Naruto and Hinata explaining the situation. "Hey you smell kind of funky Naruto, smells like /sniff sniff/ smells like ladies fingers, hey that's my favourite." said Sauske with an uncharacteristically enthusiasm.

Naruto was looking down at the ground sheepishly. Suddenly he was dragged to the tree spot by Hinata and everyone took their seats.

* * *

Time went by and people were beginning to think why they were there, Temari wasn't really doing any thing particularly interesting, she just seemed to be punching the air. Choji, Kiba and Shino had arrived to the spot to hand in their book which consisted of thirty chapters; they very much enjoyed writing it and held no grudges against Kakashi. 

The late couple Shikamaru and Ino , no prizes for guessing what they were doing were walking towards the house but unlike the others they decided to go to the front of the house. Shikamaru's eyes widened he could feel the presence of many people lurking behind Kakashi's house, he thought that maybe they were planning an attack on the lazy sensei. Suddenly Ino felt a tug on her arm. They walk round the corner of the apartment block only to find Temari in the tree. Being a loud mouth Ino could only shout. "Hey Temari what you doing up there."

"Go away Ino-pig, I'm trying to concentrate." was Ino's reply but Shikamaru was still confused, how come he could feel multiple presences.

There were gasping sounds coming from the tree, uh, maybe it was his imagination, gaar this was troublesome. Suddenly he had caught Temari's attention and her gaze was fixated on him. Uh oh.

Ino had sensed that Temari was looking at her man. There was going to be a fight.

"Hello Shikamaru." drawled Temari.

"/bush/ Hello Temari-san"

"Come on let's go inside and give Kakashi his book _boyfriend_." said Ino.

(Behind the tree out of people's gaze)

"Yea...Bitch fight bitch fight." Chanted the boys.

"Shut up pink pubes." said Sakura. Ever one looked at Sakura questioningly; Sakura would willingly explain if it weren't for the death glare she received from Sasuke.

Everyone turned back to the fight which was now in full swing, even Kakashi had heard which made him press his face against the window, the letters were replicating at a quicker rate and it was now squashing his body.

(Back to the fight)

Shikamaru was had pulled out a portable flexi chair and was now sitting on it while looking up at the perfect summers sky...O.o ooh that cloud looks like Ino.

The fight went on but it was too troublesome to watch, Kunais were flying every where, chakra strings were clinging on to things and before you knew it Ino was cutting her hair off just like she had done five years ago at the chunin exam she had Temari where she wanted her and the fight was becoming pointless.

Behind the tree

"Wow this is full on." said Naruto

"Shut up dobe they might hear us." said Kankuro

Lee was driving up to the sight on is rusty bike. Everyone's gazes were turned towards him err he was wearing a floral shirt with ripped up leather gear, he looked positively gay. O.o'

"I want some answers...who is you're daddy and what does he do?"

"Are you alright Lee?" asked Sakura

Lee marched up to Kakashi's block. His attention was finally broken when a kunai flew into his back it appeared to be embedded to his back. Gaara was cowering in fear; he feared that Lee might remember that he wasn't the only one in the tranny spa, that he wasn't the only one singing, that he wasn't the only one wearing a bikini.

* * *

Temari rushed to Lee's side, her face was panic stricken. The floral shirt was now bloody and Lee had snapped out of his Arnold Schwartananaa phase. "Ahhhh blood, am I going to die?" 

"Don't worry darling you're not going to die" cried Temari dramatically. It was like a scene of a really bad movie.

"I love you Temari, Marry me"

"Yes hell yea." cried Temari.

Every girl behind the tree was looking like this O.o o.O yea kiss her now!

The boys however were like this...O.o'

Kurenai was walking back home, with groceries since Kakashi never did any shopping. She opened the door to the apartment when all the letters fell on top of her like an avalanche.

Tenten and Neji were in the questioning room, hands still cuffed, it wasn't going very well because Tsunade didn't believe them. She sentenced them for six months imprisonment for indecent exposure. Well at least they could have a shower now

* * *

**READ AND REVIEW...please review... Oo.oO**


	10. Visitors and Banan o chidoru no jutsu

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOOOOOOU!

So many reviews, more then I'm used to. I'm really sorry I haven't updated but I've come to the stage where I'm not so sure how I'm going to end it, I mean they have already handed the story in...How much more can I say on that part, any way I'm going to ramble on a bit but I hope you like this chapter!

Also- I thought you guys might want to know that I choked on a piece of meat the other day, actually it's a funny story...but I'm sure you don't want to know...But choking on that piece of meat really put my life back into perspective, kind of...

**ANY HOW...**

**Thank you- **

FireDragonBall

Lee-sanOnee-san

TheSunshineGirls

ChristianaRR

Inu-Fan-5

Dragoon14455

Emily

jay-blink-azn32

DemonCloudStrife (x8)

Millie-chan

I'm so grateful!

BTW...I'm wondering if this fic should be rated M for a lot of language that might come later...let me know

Oh yea, it might be a little OOC...so don't scold me for that.

* * *

Blackmails and Deadlines

Chapter Ten: Visitors and Banan-o-chidoru-no jutsu

* * *

"One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi..." droned Tenten as she sat back to back with Neji. She would count all the god damn Mississippi until some officer would prod her and Neji on the shoulder and tell them that it was one big joke. Neji was poking the bars that were surrounded by chakra he was trying to find the weak point. As his fine needle of chakra made contact with the bar it made buzzing like sounds, that and Tenten's noise combined was driving the guards insane. Neji saw this and started tapping his feet against the cold concrete ground, getting the idea of things Tenten started to wail a little louder so she sounded like rat on helium. 'Combined they were making a top ten single.' thought Tenten with stars in her eyes.

"For the love of god stop that now." said one of the guards that seemed to be having a mental break down.

"Why?" asked Tenten

"Because, it's driving us crazy."

"It's the only thing keeping us sane, so live with it." said a bored Hyuuga.

"Ok Neji lets hit it from the top...One, Two, Three, HIT IT." she screamed.

"Wait- Tenten, Neji, you have a visitor." said another officer while removing a set of ear plugs. Behind the officer stood none other then the one and only, almighty Rock Lee, he was clad in a ripped up leather hot pants and a pink floral shirt. Temari was following him around, purring in his ear, while caressing his slightly exposed chest with bit of fake curly hair tagged on in various areas.

Neji and Tenten gasped when they saw him, even Neji couldn't hide his shock. "What in Gods name are you wearing?" asked Tenten.

"Oh, this? This is my babe magnet outfit, not that I never was a babe magnet but you know what I mean, any ways enough about me, how was _it_?"

" ..." Hmm, uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"...You see the reason I'm asking is because, me and Temari are planning for a baby."

"Excuse me?" asked Tenten, who's eyebrows were twitching. Neither Tenten nor Neji knew had to respond to that.

"Hn...Don't you believe in sex after marriage?" asked Neji with usual interest seeping through.

"Like _you're _oneto talk, Tch, Marriage? Who needs such- "Lee words were cut off by Temari who was now thumping him to death.

"YES, Where're getting married tonight at that Little White Chapel place, Oh it's going to be SSOOOOO romantic." Coo-ed Temari.

"It's a shame we won't be able to come..." said Tenten in-between her teeth. Eyebrows still twitching.

"So any way, about sexual intercourse, how did you do it in such a small area?" asked Lee yet again.

"Grrr..." growled Tenten (no not like _that_.) She was like a mad woman trying to break the bars; it was the only barrier that stopped her from killing Lee at that moment in time.

Lee's brief moment of fun was cut off by an ANBU soldier who had to drag Lee out. "Oh, Tenten, Neji, you have more visitors, actually there is a whole queue waiting for you out side the building." Both Neji and Tenten groaned a little. The next visitor came in; it was...HIASHI-SAMA!

"Ohiyo, Neji, Tenten...I have come here today to...err, discuss the issue of err..."

"Sex?" said Tenten helping out a stuttering Hiashi, he almost sounded like Hinata.

"Yes, you're a bright spark you, Neji always had great taste in women."

"Oh god I think I'm going to heave." said Neji.

"So sex, is a very natural thing especially for nineteen year olds like you're self, as head of the Hyuuga house I have to know that Tenten, are you pregnant?"

"NO WAY."

"See Tenten, you can never be too sure about that, so this is why I have kindly brought along a pregnancy test kit, now child, look me in the eye...If the test results are positive you and Neji will have to get married, capish?"

"We never had-" Neji was cut off by Hiashi.

"Neji, please don't insult me, you don't have to lie any more, it's perfectly natural!"

"Ok Hiashi-sama, it's time for the other visitors to come in." said the ANBU officers, Neji and Tenten were silently grateful that Hiashi was taken away. Next up was Konoha's one and only sex education teacher Masaki-sensei.

"Ohiyo children." She coo-ed as she dragged a big black bag with her. "To-day we will be learning about-"

"LALALALAALAALALAAA, IM NOT LISTNING TO YOU GET OUT LALALALAALAA." Screamed Tenten.

"Now, now that's an immature attitude to have, especially when you're about to be parents." said Masaki in an irritating soothing voice.

Neji took Tenten's arm forcefully and dragged her to the other side of the room, "Look, I have a plan..."

"Ooohhhhh...really?"

* * *

Meanwhile back at Kakashi's apartment:

Once the catfight was over everyone had gone back to Sakura's house for refreshments, Shikamaru was unaware and he had fell asleep on the deck chair while looking at the clouds. Ino was beginning to get frustrated, she tried everything to wake him up, she tried dipping his hand in warm water, hoping it would make him pee and then wake up, and then she tried pouring ice cold water on his face, but that didn't work. After a while she came up with a plan she was about to get up when Kakashi came out holding a banana, "Get off my property, or I'll call the police." He looked like a robber especially with that mask on. "You won't get you're revenge so leave now." Kakashi's voice was horse and his eye was twitching madly.

"Relax Kakashi-sensei, I just want to get Shikamaru, and then I'll leave ok..."

"NOOOO...YOU LIE!"

"Oh my goodness, calm down Ino, calm, breath, you're in the middle of no where and a psycho is pointing a banana at you, what do you do?" said Ino who was currently finding breathing a struggle.

"It was you, wasn't it? YOU, you're the one who has been feeding letters into my apartment, you, YOU made everyone think it was Temari didn't you.

"No, it wasn't me I swear!" Kakashi was now violently peeling the banana skin open, his head band was lifted up and his sharingan was revealed, he began hacking at the banana violently and Ino was screaming bloody murder. OMFG, what the hell was he going to do with that thing?

"Get-off-my-property-NOW!" he said while charging at her full speed. "This is my new jutsu I have been working on; it's called YELLO-OOO banan-o-chidoru-no JUTSU!"

"No...no...NOOOOOOOO..." Ino was running away from Kakashi, while tripping over several roots that protruded from the ground. Electrifying yellow chakra flowed around the banana, Kakashi was catching up to Ino very quickly, and then it was like slow motion...

SPLAAAAAT

"My...my...my...MY HAIR, what have you done you SOB, you're gonna pay."

"NOOO...KURENAI-CHAN...HELP ME"

Ino charged up to him, adrenalin pumping through her veins. Minutes later Kakashi's body was mangled. "Hah, that'll teach you to mess with my hair. Tch, Banana-Chidori-no-baka!" She walked away dragging Shikamaru's unconscious body with her.

* * *

Meanwhile back at in the prison cell, Tenten was stuffing a pillow underneath her top.

"Ok, do you understand what you have to do?" asked Neji

"Yes, claim I drank miracle grow and then the baby got big, call security, bust my way out and then run off, sounds simple enough...how romantic, were going to elope!"

"Right...This plan isn't going to work is it?"

"Nope, but we can only try!" exclaimed Tenten."

"Whatever..."

"You can at least act a little more enthusiastic...were having a B-A-B-Y!"

"Oh right..." (Here's where it goes a little (ok a lot) OOC!)

"What am I supposed to do, some women scream sometimes?"

"Err, I'm not sure... They always tend to bea-" No, no way he was going to let Tenten take advantage of the situation, by beating him up, she'd torture him and do mean things...

"Tend to what?"

"Erm, be nice...yes be nice..."

"Well when my cousin went in to 'labour' she was like squeezing her husbands hand and crushing his bones, you think I should do that?"

"NO!"

* * *

Yea...ok I ran out of ideas...be nice when you review!

Thanks!


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